Massage Mayhem!

When in Bangkok, it would be rude to not go for a massage right? Don’t get me wrong, we were not going for a ‘happy ending’ situation here, but the idea of a bit of a rub down after being awake for nearly 40 hours traveling and lugging around our rucksacks was appealing to say the last.

So, being innocent, naïve and probably not in the most cognitive condition, we ventured out in search of some relaxation. At this point our friend from home was still with us but does not want to be mentioned by name in this post (although you probably know who they are if you continue to read our other adventures)

We perused a few massage parlours down the streets and found a lot had young girls sat outside, wearing barely anything at all. These were the places we wanted avoid. We eventually found a place that looked respectable; away from the other ‘establishments’ and the employees were all wearing uniforms. All three of us opted for a Head, neck and shoulder massage, but suddenly we were lead upstairs into a room with 3 sliding walls and 3 mattresses on the floor. We were told to change into some pajamas they gave us, and so begins 3 different tales of what was supposed to be a relaxing experience.

Cati’s Tale

The masseur began with her legs, even after clarifying she wanted only head and shoulders. Cati had a pleasant hour having all her aches and pains removed until the masseur began cracking her arms and legs! Ultimately, she was refreshed when she left.

Matt’s Tale

After being given the weird pajamas, the masseur would not close the door and referred to me only as ‘big boy’ and she watched me change with a gleeful look in her eye. Once changed and I lay down, she started trying to remove my shorts! I know we had asked for a head massage, but didn’t think she would go for that head!

Once I quickly advised that’s not what I wanted, she began just a normal massage, but even she was not going to get me to relax after that! I’m pretty sure I was clenched head to toe for the next hour! The whole experience came to a close where she sat me up, balanced a pillow on my back and genuinely body slammed me! I still don’t know whether she thought that might help any back pain or just wanted to live out her fantasy as a pro wrestler, but I’m pretty sure all she did

He-who-shall-not-be-named’s Tale

He was asked to put on a pajama top, only for it to be removed and then be sprayed with oil. What was a light massage, nearly became a ‘complete’ massage as the masseurs hands got lower, and lower, and lower

Once again, the situation was clarified, but the masseuse made it very clear for our friend to come back later… And alone. He took a hard pass on that one.

So lesson learned, just because a parlour looks respectable, does not make it so. If you want a massage, but want to avoid any calamities that we endured, find one where you can see people already being served. Some places (such as Kao San Road) have chairs outside. Follow this rule and your likelihood of getting innaproriately groped drops to around 0.

One thought on “Massage Mayhem!”

  1. Your friend sounds like he had a lucky escape! And WilboFace, that is certainly not the best introduction to massage you could of had 🙈


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